How would it be if we were given the opportunity to visit that land where every thing is ideal? How would it be if you could be there for ever?
With absolutely no change to your world. No anxiety, no worries, no people to create problems, no new things, no advancements, no need of time, no need to work, no need to study, no need of doing anything that you are doing today!
Would it not threaten you? Would it not make you anxious for the only reason that there is going to be nothing in your world that changes as you grow old, as you travel in the process called life? Are you sure that you are going to feel nothing but happy?
For how long would it be fine? The dream land, for how long would you not want to wake up?
My dreams, so many, that I can’t count. Since I started making sense of the world, I know I’ve always dreamt. Not a day went by without dreams. Horrid, beautiful, sad, or happy.. But there were dreams. And every dream had a story. And luckily, there came a point in my life, where I could equip myself in making sense of those dreams.. even if I am not a certified person to do dream analysis for others, I can do mine, coz, of course who else knows about me better than me. I believe that was a gift, given by the greatest supreme, to educate myself in Psychology, and end up attending sessions of wonderful people like Dr. Kakar, and Dr. Basak.
Anyway, Let’s see how dreams can make sense.. Or can it!!?
One fine day, as I was sitting on a land lush green, covered with thick blanket of fresh grass, spreading over the entire land. The vibrance of the flowers mesmerised my view. No, I didn’t want to believe it was real. I knew there was something surreal about this. As when I looked around, I saw a little pup, running towards me, just to say that “You shouldn’t be here”! I didn’t know what to wonder about.. Whether to think on why the pup was talking human, or to analyse why I was there, or to feel terrified?! Since, I was already there, I did not want to miss the chance of going around, despite the warning the pup gave me. The pup, then started running round and round my leg, and jumping on me, I lifted it up and started petting it, just like how I would do to any other four legged animal. I turned to my left to check for the noise that I heard right then, and when I returned back to my original position, the pup in my hand was not there, it was running towards an open pipeline, jumped into it, and it started swimming. Swimming beautifully, lady like. And I see it develop wings. The wings that you can’t imagine. Wings vibrant, with every hue that you can possibly create in the material world. I followed it, to be precise, I ran along its speed.
The pup, (oh wait, I don’t really know what creature it is right now, let’s just call it pup), led me to a open wide space, with water surrounded (you see, that’s the kind of place I love being at. Who doesn’t?). There was a HUGGEEEEE pool in front of me (The exaggeration was needed, sorry!). And the stone area, with water falling into the pool looked perennial. The pup, swam through the water like it knew the techniques. Like it was the founder of the concept called swimming. Those beautiful wings went round and round, and swayed along with its movement, enabling it to move more freely. I was in awe. Never have I seen a sight like this. As I was looking at it, I saw it coming out of the water body, and walking towards a boulder, the boulder opened, and there was this pup, who changed into a beautiful lady, impeccable in every possible way, enticing with the perfect body, covered with ornaments and silk hugging the body like it belonged there. As I watched her stunned and eyes fixed, I saw the lady enter an ancient-styled ball room. There was confusion inside the room, I followed the pup (who was now a lady), I knew I was invisible, coz no one could notice me. But as I was looking at the lady (then pup), it turned towards me, with an expression that you and I would want to avoid, with rage, fury and anger dripping in her eye… I was afraid. I couldn’t stand it, I wanted to escape, I had a feeling the lady did not like me, I realised she was planning something against me, I knew I was going to get killed.
Hence, with all that anxiety, sweat dripping down my forehead, heat burning my body, fear blinding my vision, pressure stopping my heart.. I woke up.
I knew I couldn’t stand it. But, I also knew it wasn’t real. But what made it so real? What made me so afraid? Which part of it affected me so much? Why did it affect me?
Is it because it was bizzare and absurd? Or was it because it made so much sense?
We all dream.. Irrespective of what. We all dream so much, every day, to the extent that, in a couple of days, all that we remember is that we had a dream that passed by.
But, there are these once, which are recurrent, and there are few, which leave a strong mark in us.
Let’s now try making sense.. From my little experience, I know I am not entirely right.. But when I learnt that, dreams give us a sense of closure to the extent where that’s why we are being sane.. I was wondering how?!
I was shocked when I came to know that my childhood dreams of killing my parents, or them meeting with an accident was just my mind’s mechanism of throwing those petty anger away (Petty anger: my term for anger on things like them not buying me a chocolate after a tantrum, or them yelling at me for breaking something).
I was taken aback when I came to know that big animals in my dream could have been the image of my elder sibling, and little fishes could have been my non-existing, ever-longed-for younger siblings.
I was surprised when I realised that my recurrent dreams stopped after a point, because in reality, it seems that I had crossed that particular stage of anxiety, hence those dreams automatically disappeared because it wouldn’t make any sense after that.
As in when I started listening to my friend’s dreams, and making sense of it, it was an enjoyable process. But, when I was challenged with my own dreams, and the sense it made to me, it became bothersome. Coz, it was nothing but black and white. And it was something that I wasn’t ready to accept them.
I was happy, that it made sense.. But I was unhappy, that it made so much sense that it wasn’t something that left me in the situation of confusion. Everything fell in place clearly, that I longed for that space of feeling confused.
Today, I stand tall, with the little of my insight and awareness. I stand confident with the known and unknown. I stand happy, with the confusion and mess in my head, knowing that it will pass by.
By this, I conclude, (for now) that, feeling confused, feeling happy, feeling sad or miserable.. Feeling in control, feeling controlled, feeling pathetic, feeling superior.. All of these happens, when you let it happen. When you want it to change, you have it within you, to change it.
That power from innerself, will only come out by honest belief, hope and self-love.
P. C.: Ilavarasan / Ila (Tamil photography)
(2.5 year old pictures)